today, I waved to her. and it felt good knowing I made my former friend smile. :)
To all those faggots who think your hard, fuckkkk youuuuuuu. your not tough when all you wanna do if watch other people hurt. your not strong when your always so angry. your weak because you give in so easily. your pathetic, because alone you can’t do shit. hit us now, but in the morning face the fact that without your home boys, your nothing. look at yourselves. where are you gonna end up in life? nowhere. then all the people you hit will laugh. and I’ll sing. I’ll sing and watch as the people I care about laugh. as the laugh at your ignorance. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUand I just lost the game. go to hell. give me envy, give me malice. give me a-a-ttention
thank you.
for so many things.
for sticking up for me. getting hurt for me. being nice to me.
though your sacrifices lasted for a week, i did appreciate them.
but now, your back to hating me the way you did before.
and i’m back to being afraid of you and wishing you would smile at me.
you shouldn’t judge me like that. i don’t know why everyone’s been mad at me lately because my opinions differ from theirs. fuck you. i’m sorry that i think differently. i’m sorry i’m not a mindless, un-opinionated drone. i do have opinions and i don’t keep them quiet, coz when i do you think there’s something wrong with me. but shit, why does it always have to be your way?
am i not entitled to my own opinion?
do you not know what i would have given for your safety?
no you don’t. only the closest of my friends know.
only the most trusted of my friends know what i agreed to do to make sure you were not harmed. i didn’t tell the rest of them out of fear. fear that they’re hate me, yell at me, make me feel like shit and talk about me. but i almost sold my soul to the devil for you.
the least you could do if be nice. pretend that you care.
i asked you why you stood up for me. you said because you didn’t think i deserved to be attacked. but now, you’d laugh if they hurt me.
every day i have to put up with your constant insults and threats and i’m sick of it. i was the only one who was fucking trying as hard as i could to help you. all i wanted was for you to not hate me. careful what you wish for.
and it makes it worse. because he’s not around to protect me anymore. everyone hates him and thinks he’s insane and stupid. but i know him… i know how much he cared for me. i know how hard he would have saved me and how hard he tried. don’t roll your eyes. it’s true. he cared. you should try it sometime. it’s not that hard. i hate that your nice to her. where was she when you were getting hurt and bleeding? she was laughing. she was laughing while i cried. and now, you hate me.
go ahead. you can’t hate me anymore than i hate myself. anymore than you’ve made me hate me. you made me hate me. and there is only one person in this fucking earth who can make me feel better. and she’s not near me. and i have to wait another painfully long day to hug her and tell her what the hell you just said to me. i don’t understand. i never did. and fuck i’m sorry. i’m so fucking sorry, i did and do care about you. i just wish you’d act like you care. it would cause me less pain.
and now, i don’t know if i’m safe. there’s no one left to protect me and i’m not strong enough to protect myself anymore. hurt me if it pleases you. we’ll see if your god will smile on you then. do you think the god you trust and love and worship so much will approve of you hurting me? anymore than you already have. go on. please yourself and hurt me. i’m too numb to feel it anyway.
i’m too numb to feel it
& too weak to heal it.
have you met your god?
does he know i’m in pain?
does he even have any plans,
for me to see you again?
today I walked into that classroom that we used to learn in, I looked at the seat I used to sit in, next to you. I saw a new piece of graffiti that read “holdmyhand.” underneath it, someone had written no. this insignificant piece of writing set off a line of confusing telegrams dcirectly through the ozone of my head into my heart.
don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. you knew you didn’t matter to him anyway, why are you so surprised? why do you feel sick and tired all of a sudden? why does he matter so much to you? you rarely talk. it’s not you he wants. get over it. grow up. why do you cry shannon, why do you cry?
hay guys. im on tumblr on my shitty ass computer. won’t be here for long, as i’m lagging a shit load.
if you promise to stay conscious i will try and do the same.
we might die from medication but we sure killed all the pain.
those days that begin, in such great smiles,
that differ from people and reaching and styles,
end in such pain, that though can not be healed,
the wounds still sting, silver from a broken shield.
it burns, it burns, it burns some more.
that little beating inside me, beats no more.
hold me close, keep me warm,
while the weather is hot,
i feel the storm.
can you feel the storm?
he said “shannon, why do you still talk to me? im boring” I replied, “coz I still care about you.” though not the way I used to. but you still matter.
those who believe everything they hear in the news, will forget happiness and eventually get the blues.
I’m sick of feeling lonely, tired of feeling down. Done with this but mostly, I wanna leave this town. I’m tired of feeling cold, sick of being scared. I can not leave this mold, I’m always unprepared. I’m sick of being tired and I’m tired of being sick. I feel so damn wired, but it doesn’t even click. The reason why I feel this way, I guess you’ll never know. I’ll let life take me where it may, I’ll pack my bags and go. Some where that don’t require invites and your friends are always there. Some where that doesn’t cheer on fist fights and your friends know you care. Somewhere were you’ll realize you miss me. One day you’ll really wanna kiss me. But I won’t be waiting, and you’ll continue dating. cause’ I’m too small to be significant, and your too amazingly magnificent. Your out of my league, and all I feel is fatigue. All I wanted was for you to love me, but I fear you’ll one day step on the earth above me.
the idiotic imbeciles at my school are taking my darling laptop.
this is a tragic change for me since i will no longer be able to get to the internet. this means;
` no msn
`no gaiaonline
`no myspace
`no twitter
`no polyvore
`no socialvibe
`no omegle
`no tumblr
nothing. i don’t know what i’m going to do with myself. perhaps i’ll become an inventor? who knows.
but i would like to say that i might not be on till next year. i may occasionally go on my shitty as slow home computer and endure the pain as i post a few things, but it will be rare.
i am going to miss you and your posts dearly. i’m not looking forward to missing all of your spams D=
next year, i will buy a laptop and when i come back, i will not stop posting till i die.
Au revoir for now. till we meet again.
merry christmas, happy new year, and ums, sheepish.wolves@hotmail.com
add me? i’m more likely to find a way to be on msn.:D
<33 byebyeeeee guysssss
Je t’aime
watching titanic.
“I hate the way you talk to me. And the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare I hate your big dumb combat boots. And the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick— it even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you’re always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh — even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you’re not around. And the fact that you didnt call. But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you - - not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all”
